Holy Underestimation, Batman, What time is it???

Hey, Batman here… Let me tell you a story… spin you a yarn if you will… So I was sitting at my appartm… erhem… Batcave today, playing Timesplitters 2. That game is amazing. SO… I was in the Robot Factory blasting some robots with the laser can… erhem… my fists and bat bommerang, I mean there were bullets and lasers flying in at me from EVERYWHERE… I was crouched behind the body of a dead robot about to say my catch phrase “Swear to me…” and jump out and blast… I mean use my go go bat gadgets on them, when out of nowhere, this old woman busts in my door…

This is where it gets interesting…

She say “Hey Batman, there is this guy on T.V., he says he is going to destroy the world…”

“In a minute…”  I say. “Sheesh”, hold on Grandma Patel.”

She replied “Aren’t you gonna save the world???”

Save the world…  Save the world… WHAT DOES SHE THINK I WAS DOING BEFORE SHE SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED ME AND MADE ME GET KILLED BY ONE OF THOSE GIANT ROBOTS WITH THE LASER GUNS… 

Not only was I saving the world… I was saving time itself… who knows, the universe can collapse in itself… all I’m saying is, I have my priorities straight…

#1 – My Guns ( muscles, not actually guns, imbecile ) 

#2- Healthy Supply of Vitamin B (Batman, and it’s also good for energy)

#3- Saving the world

#4- Killing all those bats under my mansion..

See,, I am what I am,, and if you don’t like it Ms. Patel, I don’t care. Anyway……. Im gonna go play some more Timesplitters 2….

No, lady, Your gaydar is not going off… But i got a dollar says your my new villain, and there’s a storm coming, just you wait…

                          So it has come to my attention that some people have gotten some wrong impressions about me and Robin. We are in no way shape or form… i mean, we’re not. First and foremost, I am, as I have already stated, interested in the catwoman. Yes, i know she is getting bad press in this upcoming movie, but when im feeling blue she comes around and starts to purr, and everything is just alright. Secondly, FACT, doctors say keeping a cat around the house lowers blood pressure, and increases life. Fact: Cats have nine lives which is infinitely more advantageous over a man. Fact, cats eat robins. Fact, who are you man, i don’t know you, unless you be raising the bat light in the sky, then your just a man, man, Fact: IM BATMAN, I save your life on a daily basis, Brian. And you say you believe in angels, give me some credit, Jerk. Lastly: Robin isn’t even real, he’s made up, so, you know what, I don’t even know who your talking about… i mean, Robin who, right? Phttt, whatever man, the world has written me off, as a result, i am gonna go out with my boy Rob-… superman for some good wholesome fun, wait, i killed him last year, hmm, thats a bummer, anyway, you get it…

My Mistake

    Well, for the important stuff first, I changed my design, make me a comment if you likey. Secondly, I have some very sad news. So I was at this “thing” the other night and I am just seeing whos there, I say hi to “the Penguin,” and then to superman and some others. So I was sitting talking to one of the Gemeni twins, Jerry, not Bob, what a jerk, and anyway, so I see superman in a mirror that is up on the wall, and he’s talking to catwoman. So I say, no, no, no, this is not gonna happen, not at my… Jerry’s party. So I say “Hey Superman, why don’t you go, zap somebody with your x-ray vision” and everyone just fell out of their seats laughing. Superman gave me a dirty look, but I know, he caught a glipse through my spandex at my amazing guns and felt girly. But, he just keeps on talking to her like nothing ever happens. So when he’s not looking, I slip a stick of kryptonite into his coke, and he drank. That was funny. But then he started looking real bad, and I’m sorry to say that just 2 hours ago, Superman died. I know, I know, I’ll have to pick up some slack now, but don’t worry, I will. But really, it was  a mistake, I mean who knew that Superman’s Kryptonite… was Krptonite. All I’m sayin is, it would have been nice if someone would have let me in on the secret, then maybe, Superman would still be alive. So… I am sorry, please forgive me. So… did anyone see the Braves last night…?

My True Identity

          I guess so far you’ve probaly seen my picture and the name of my blog, and you’re wondering to yourself, could this be the one true Batman. Put your minds at ease because, yes, I am Batman, and the picture of me is actually just a snapshot. Yes I may look all cartoony and not real, but I assure you, I polish my guns daily. Now, I know that there has been a lot of hype going around about Bruce what’shisbucket, but yeah, no, I AM BATMAN!!!

True enough, I have been known to ignore the stupid batlight a few times but, Hey, I got stuff to do, I like sports, and guess what people, I got a job. Jumping around the city in spandex may look cool, but it doesn’t pay to much, and as much fun as saving people’s life in anonymity is, no one can write you a check. So when you see my new movie, (which I was never consulted about) just remember I’m out there saving your life and kickin’ the Joker’s butt, not for the paycheck, or the loads of stuff, but it’s for you America (and the thrill), and CNN better not question my patriotism again, or I’ll team up with the Riddler and well take them down too.  Just as an endnote, I got this book of mensa mind challenges, and I think I might just me a genius.   

 

 

 

Duh duh, duh duh, duh duh, duh duh, Batman,

It has come to my attention that my picture hasnt really come up so, here goes, please, no applause.

The ensuing comments will be, that looks fake, but I believe I’ve already explained that.

Even though, true enough, I am AMAZING at fighting crime, my computer powers haven’t reached their full potentials. Yes, I know, “What about the bat cave, Batman, weren’t their like computers and stuff down there”  Well, yes,  annoying voice there was, but have you ever really looked at those things, there isn’t even computer screens on there, we had printouts on paper every two seconds. Not only that, I am not used to keyboard. Did you know that I have gone through three keyboards on this post alone. Yes, it seems that I break one every time I try to type a word. And after all these skills, I’m still getting used to my batman-like strength. Darnit, there goes one more eyboard, I didn’t mean to mispell that, the cay is the letter that I broke. Oh, come on you old lady, defend yourself, well it seems as though I do not even get enough time to finish a post and I  have to save someone.